Tunneling the Way to Justice: Super Bux

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One day the chem teacher runs into Mr. Buxman’s physics class and says, “Buxman! My chem class is locked in the chem room and the gas is on!  And I tried telling them to turn it off with the emergency switch but they don’t understand.”  

Buxman, jiggling the door handle trying to get in says, “Alright, run and go get any maintenance man.  I’ll keep trying to get the handle unjammed.”  The chem teacher runs off to get a maintenance man.  Mr. Buxman stops jiggling the handle, grabs a blue bag that’s sitting in the back of the classroom, takes out a silver can that says “SUPER ENERGY” in big bold letters and drinks it. 

A student in the class remarks, “Mr. Buxman I don’t think this is the time to be drinking some sketchy energy drink.”

  Mr. Buxman disregards the comment and stands 2 feet away from the wall separating the physics room and the chem lab. All of a sudden Mr. Buxman starts vibrating and violently shaking up and down.  He closes his eyes and concentrates.  Mr. Buxman takes one step forward quickly and then in an instant, he is gone!  The students quickly jump up to get out of their desks to look through the window that sees into the chem lab.  They see Mr. Buxman standing in there with his hand over his mouth and turning the gas off with the emergency switch.  Mr. Buxman opens the door, steps out, and says, “I’m Super Bux!  The incredible teacher who can tunnel through walls!” 

 

2 weeks later, after hearing of the incident, Mr. Olympio, a curious world religions teacher, casually walks into one of Mr. Buxman’s physics classes.  Mr. Buxman sees Mr. Olympio and says, “Mr. Olympio! What are you doing here?”

 Mr. Olympio keeps walking to the back of the class and responds, “Uhhh I’m tired of stealing all of cross country’s food I’m just seeing what food basketball has to offer in their food closet.”  Buxman says no but ignores him and continues teaching.  Mr. Olympio slyly walks back out the door.  Mr. Buxman and the physics class hear the door lock.  So he runs to the door to see if it will open and they’re locked in.  Mr. Buxman and all the seniors run to the back of the classroom to look out the window and see Mr. Olympio getting into Mr. Buxman’s car with the blue bag that had the sketchy energy drinks in it.

  “Not my super energy drinks!!!  No! He is going to drink them all!” says Buxman.  

The class quickly tells Mr. Buxman, “Just tunnel through the wall and go get him!”

 But Buxman replies “I haven’t had an energy drink in 5 hours!  I’m just going to have to give it a shot though.  It is the only hope of stopping Mr. Olympio before he drinks them all.”

 Buxman stands a foot away from the wall, puts his head down to concentrate, and the class falls silent.  He quickly takes a step forward right at the wall and his face runs right into it!  Buxman tries again and takes another step at the wall, but only hits his face Mr. yet again.  He yells, “Darn probability!  Let me through!”  He continues to try and the class can’t help but giggle at their teacher who continues to run into the wall with visible bruises forming on his head.  Finally, Buxman tries one more time, but only makes it half way through the wall!  Mr. Buxman’s left leg remained in the physics room, but his head managed to make it into the hallway.  Luckily, Mrs. Havrilla, the anatomy teacher, happened to be walking down the hallway.  So Mr Buxman called her, “Mrs. Havrilla!  Run and get Mr. Nish!”

 Mrs. Havrilla shocked at seeing Mr. Buxman’s head coming out of a wall responds, “What happened to you?” 

Mr. Buxman tells her, “Mr. Olympio stole my energy drinks and locked me in my classroom.  And when I tried to tunnel through the wall I got stuck because I haven’t had one in awhile.  Now go get Mr. Nish!  He has more energy drinks because he also buys them off the black market so he can slip them into his cross-country runners’ drinks.” 

“Unfortunately, Mr. Nish already left school with the cross-country team for a race.  But that’s good because energy drinks are horrible for your body!  But I might have something that will work…”  Mrs. Havrilla runs down the hallway and comes back in 5 minutes holding a big glass full of a mysterious green liquid.  “Here, this is wheatgrass and acai berries.  This is the best source of natural energy you can get!”

“Ughhh!  That smells awful!”

“Yep! And it tastes pretty awful too! Just drink it so you can get out of this wall.”  Mrs. Havrilla pours the wheatgrass smoothie into his mouth.  Buxman cringes but gulps down the whole smoothie.  After he finishes his last sip Buxman begins to vibrate and the wall shakes. 

Suddenly, Buxman appears in the hallway.  “I’m freeeeee!  And I feel great!  Alright, I’m going to go get Mr. Olympio!”  Mr. Buxman sprints down the hall and then down the street and finally catches Mr. Olympio at the bottom of a hill.  The car is on the side of the road with 2 empty cans of the “SUPER ENERGY” laying on the floor and Mr. Olympio sitting on the roof of the car.  Mr. Buxman asks, “What happened?”

Mr. Olympio says with a confused face, “I got through 2 and then I ended up here, somehow, with a giant headache.”

“I don’t get it,” says Mr. Olympio.  And Mr. Olympio, realizing that his theory of entering moksha was wrong, apologized,  “But I’m sorry I stole your energy drinks."

 

About the Author: 
student at Flintridge Sacred Heart Academy in La Cañada, California.

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Quantum Theories

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