Life In and Outside the Box: Fluffocrates Story

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“What does it mean to be somewhere? To be something?”
      I wouldn’t expect your puny human mind to understand the complexity of the story I’m about to tell. I only ask you not to dare to try and question my supreme authority and honesty. I’ve gone from well kept prisoner, to a god, to a celebrated ruler of the greatest civilization on earth, to what I am now a … a humble philosocat.
     Let me digress and start from the beginning. I had once been in the care of a family by the name of Schrodinger. I was their prized possession; I was the queen of the house. One day young Erwin, being the mindless oaf that I saw him to be, placed me inside of a box. I tried to escape but not wanting to damage my freshly bathed fur I decided a nap was a better plan of action. Though I still consider his actions treason, in hindsight I should thank him.
      When I awoke light had crept in through a hole in a box. I meowed hoping to be saved but to no avail. I clawed my way out of the box and was greeted by tens of thousands of human servants. Oh! How they cheered! I had returned to the throne I knew I was always meant for. They renamed me Ubasti and gave me command over their armies. I bathed in luxury, united the entirety of my new kingdom and was worshipped and adored by all. One night my human puppet ruler fell ill. His subjects snatched me from my golden throne, midway through my afternoon bath, threw me in another box and sealed it tight. “How dare you! You know who I am! I’LL RULE OVER YOUR ENTIRE WRETCHED SPECIES WHEN I GET OUT!” With nothing more to say I finished my bath and took a disgruntled nap.
     I awoke to the sound of bongo’s and synchronized meows. The top of the box was lifted by many furry paws and fresh autumn air seeped into my lungs. “Welcome back our highness!” I jumped from the box to see an entire court of impressive followers. There were Saber-toothed knights, Minx ninjas, sphinx monks and Scottish Fold jesters. “You’ve been napping for sometime our lord. We’ve done all the prophecy told us hoping for you to come back into the world. You are now the supreme ruler of earth.” They all meowed a heavenly hymn in my honor. I could have died in that moment and been happy… Though that would only leave me with 8 or so more lives (no need to speak of the one time as a kitten I chased my tail and fell from the second story into a trash bin).
              We had eradicated most of the human race leaving only a select few to do our bidding. These jobs mainly consisted of producing catnip, training our best athletes with laser pointers, living displays at our animal houses, and of course they retained their historical job of litter box cleaners. I was supreme ruler, as if that was even questionable, and many moons passed under my ever watchful eyes. The world was for once devoid of war, famine and fast food.
     One fine spring day my human athletic trainer, a brutish man by the family name of Caesar, tricked me into another box using his laser pointer. No doubt he stabbed me in the back, the great cat queen herself, to use as leverage to free some of your wretched kind. He locked me in and refused to listen to any of my god-like decrees. Now, if I had learned anything by this time it was that once you’re inside a box just about anything can happen. So I napped.
     Rain slowly dripped onto my nose as a doorbell rang. Gravity softened its grip as something picked up my box. The top opened and the face of a content looking man greeted me. He didn’t seem to mind being owned by a cat. Why would he, especially by one as great as myself. He changed my name once more to “Hugh;” I thought naming me, especially a lady cat, after himself was a rather pompous move to say the least. There I lived with the Everett’s until young Mark tried to stuff me into another box. I clawed my attacker and darted off into the night vowing to never be stuffed into one of those wretched things again. If I am ever captured and forced into one of those things again I leave this letter behind as a memoir so that my story may be told. Remember to always fear the box and Cat-speed to whoever finds this letter.
 
         With lots of purrs,
 
                           Fluffocrates The Great

About the Author: 
Joshua Nieubuurt is an English teacher currently basking up the sun rays in beautiful Okinawa, Japan. He loves long scantly-clad walks on the beach and hand crafted brews.

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