Entanglement Tango

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I think we always suspected Alice Brinks and Bob Certamen of being an entangled pair. Possibly their entanglement came about in their first years as friends and classmates in college physics, or possibly becoming lovers in graduate school precipitated the entanglement. Certainly they always looked the part. A short, pale fireplug of a blond man and a stocky, shapeless black woman, the pair looked, each, like a negative of one another. In any case, evidence of their entanglement thrust itself into the consciousness of the world’s collective scientific mind with their first Nobel. Alice and Bob had just finished defending their doctoral dissertations when her incisive logical mind and his wall-hurdling intuition blended to debunk the gauge gravitation theory and, employing the Brinks-Certamen Tensor and the Certamen-Brinks Approximation, put the world on the right track to finding the elusive graviton.

I suppose it’s only human nature that such a perfect blending of personalities should come to a tragic end. Naturally, each blamed the other for their public disintegration. The tedium of who left which cap off of what or which chore did not receive its due attention to detail seems insignificant in light of all that followed. Perhaps the first real blow was struck by Bob—possibly with no ill intent. He claims it was simple hygiene; she, that he deliberately sabotaged her television appearance. Both agree on the actual events, however. Just as Anderson Cooper was introducing Alice to his TV audience, Bob was in his bathroom, leaning toward the mirror, plucking nose hairs. Alice’s eyes, naturally, began tearing up. Then the sneezing started. And went on and on and on.

Bob refused to accept any blame in what he called (with a sneer) “Sneezegate.”

Alice’s response, to some, might seem a bit extreme. While Bob was teaching his popular Field Unification Theories class, Alice, wearing a double-thickness of Maxi-pads to protect her more delicate tissues, paid a young soccer athlete to kick her, hard, three times in the crotch. Bob, before the entire class, doubled over in pain, remaining in a fetal position for the next two hours and suffering lingering pain and swelling for several days.

If Alice’s actions seem extreme, what then can we say of Bob, downing an entire bottle of Jack and then deliberately tipping a seventy-pound anvil over onto his own left hand? Breaking every bone in his left hand naturally meant breaking every bone in her right. Alice was unable to sign autographs for her book tour, for which she vowed vengeance.

For months, Alice saw Bob only at faculty get-togethers.  She smiled at him, occasionally grinning with malice. Bob steeled himself. He knew she would eventually return the favor of the anvil. He considered wearing a gauntlet, but of course, that wouldn’t stop Alice’s damaging her own hand. How do you protect yourself from your entangled opposite’s self-destructive urges?

Nearly a year after the anvil incident, Bob seemed to have forgotten Alice’s vow. At a faculty sherry mixer, he joked with colleagues, even complimented Alice on her latest monograph. All those months prior, Alice had made a careful study of anatomy charts, mapping as well as possible, the location of all her own major internal organs. The day after the mixer, she injected a little lidocaine under her abdominal skin. The area sufficiently benumbed, Alice took a sharp, clean boning knife, and thrust it into her abdomen. The blade went in just to the right of her navel, puncturing her small intestine, but missing her kidney and all the major blood vessels. She called 911, claiming to have fallen on the knife. Then she lay back on her sofa, a gauze pad held to her wound and smiled to herself. Back on campus, in his office, Bob was rapidly bleeding out through a hole that had opened to the left of his navel, puncturing his aorta. We surmise his last thoughts were of Alice because, in his own blood, he wrote on the floor the shaky opening to an intended final address, “You contrary bitc…”

We don’t know Alice’s last thoughts, but I imagine it was something along the lines of “Oops.” She was dead when the paramedics arrived. Given how little blood she had lost, the ME found herself unable to explain Alice’s death.

About the Author: 
When I was in high school, I wanted to be Murray Gell-Mann, but he's still alive, so I've had to settle. I've been a nuclear reactor operator, technical writer, freelance editor, rhetoric teacher, and student of Medieval languages.

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Quantum Theories

H is for ... Hidden Variables

One school of thought says that the strangeness of quantum theory can be put down to a lack of information; if we could find the “hidden variables” the mysteries would all go away.

R is for ... Randomness

Unpredictability lies at the heart of quantum mechanics. It bothered Einstein, but it also bothers the Dalai Lama.

T is for ... Tunnelling

This happens when quantum objects “borrow” energy in order to bypass an obstacle such as a gap in an electrical circuit. It is possible thanks to the uncertainty principle, and enables quantum particles to do things other particles can’t.

A is for ... Alice and Bob

In quantum experiments, these are the names traditionally given to the people transmitting and receiving information. In quantum cryptography, an eavesdropper called Eve tries to intercept the information.

S is for ... Schrödinger’s Cat

A hypothetical experiment in which a cat kept in a closed box can be alive and dead at the same time – as long as nobody lifts the lid to take a look.

I is for ... Information

Many researchers working in quantum theory believe that information is the most fundamental building block of reality.

G is for ... Gravity

Our best theory of gravity no longer belongs to Isaac Newton. It’s Einstein’s General Theory of Relativity. There’s just one problem: it is incompatible with quantum theory. The effort to tie the two together provides the greatest challenge to physics in the 21st century.

A is for ... Atom

This is the basic building block of matter that creates the world of chemical elements – although it is made up of more fundamental particles.

R is for ... Radioactivity

The atoms of a radioactive substance break apart, emitting particles. It is impossible to predict when the next particle will be emitted as it happens at random. All we can do is give the probability that any particular atom will have decayed by a given time.

M is for ... Multiverse

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Q is for ... Qubit

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F is for ... Free Will

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N is for ... Nonlocality

When two quantum particles are entangled, it can also be said they are “nonlocal”: their physical proximity does not affect the way their quantum states are linked.

E is for ... Entanglement

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I is for ... Interferometer

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M is for ... Many Worlds Theory

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X is for ... X-ray

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W is for ... Wavefunction

The mathematics of quantum theory associates each quantum object with a wavefunction that appears in the Schrödinger equation and gives the probability of finding it in any given state.

J is for ... Josephson Junction

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S is for ... Schrödinger Equation

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D is for ... Dice

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U is for ... Universe

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L is for ... Light

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C is for ... Cryptography

People have been hiding information in messages for millennia, but the quantum world provides a whole new way to do it.

U is for ... Uncertainty Principle

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Y is for ... Young's Double Slit Experiment

In 1801, Thomas Young proved light was a wave, and overthrew Newton’s idea that light was a “corpuscle”.

D is for ... Decoherence

Unless it is carefully isolated, a quantum system will “leak” information into its surroundings. This can destroy delicate states such as superposition and entanglement.

G is for ... Gluon

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V is for ... Virtual particles

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R is for ... Reality

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B is for ... Bell's Theorem

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H is for ... Hawking Radiation

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L is for ... Large Hadron Collider (LHC)

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A is for ... Act of observation

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O is for ... Objective reality

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Q is for ... Quantum biology

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B is for ... Bose-Einstein Condensate (BEC)

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P is for ... Probability

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S is for ... Superposition

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Z is for ... Zero-point energy

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P is for ... Planck's Constant

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W is for ... Wave-particle duality

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T is for ... Teleportation

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K is for ... Kaon

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C is for ... Computing

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