The Higgs Diet

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                                                                      THE HIGG’S DIET
Life never ceases to amaze me. Even now at the age of 15.
My name is Oshii and, needing money to supplement my schooling after the untimely implosion of both my parents in a videogame-related accident, I accepted the part-time job offer of a Sumo wrestling coach assistant to former wrestler Motoko.
I was and remain a very respectful fan of that ancient and venerable sport and art, Sumo.
Therefore, imagine my horror at what transpired!
I was inside the Sumo stables with my boss, Motoko, and our wrestler, Hiroyuki . Hiroyuki was preparing to go to the arena and enter the dohyō ring to face his opponent, who was nearly a third larger than him. Hiroyuki was a lower ranked wrestler and everyone expected him to lose. I watched him, eating one more bowl of rice before his match in front of a large crowd. He looked so noble with his samurai-like pigtail.
“Here.” My boss, who, as well as having once been a Sumo wrestler, had also been a quantum physicist, gestured me over. He gave me a piece of paper and told me to take it to the men in the first row, overlooking the dohyō. I walked with trepidation into the crowded arena, in front of the lights and television cameras. I had looked over the piece of paper before handing it over. It was a bet my boss was making. The men in the front row were yakuza, organised crime. I despised them for bringing Sumo into disrepute with illegal gambling.
Curiously my boss had bet that our wrestler would win, even though he was completely outclassed in terms of his weight. The odds against him were huge and as far as I knew, my boss and the yakuza were the only people betting Hiroyuki would win.
            I walked back to the stable to see Hiroyuki eating more rice.
            “Careful careful.” Motoko told me, when I had reached out to take the empty rice bowl from Hiroyuki. “You studied physics didn’t you? I will tell you something Oshii. That is no ordinary rice. It contains Higgs Bosons from another universe.”
           “Higg’s Bosons?”
            Wow- Motoko explained to me that he was fixing the fight by using Higg’s Bosons from another universe that had a different value to the Higg’s Bosons of our universe. They could influence the gravitational force interacting with Hiroyuki to give him heavier mass, allowing him to push his opponent from the ring!  
            It’s not what I expected to hear!
            And the plan worked!
            After facing the audience, and performing the leg-stomping shiko exercise to drive evil spirits from the dohyō, Hiroyuki faced his opponent- who looked twice his size and was a very famous Sumo wrestler. Hiroyuki knocked his opponent from the ring, who landed on his face, and the referee pointed his war-fan towards Hiroyuki, indicating he was the winner.
            But I felt pity for Hiroyuki, who looked noble and seemed exploited to me. Before the next fight, I decided to change his rice to ordinary rice. 
            Hiroyuki lost, and the yakuza in the audience had thrown their seat cushions into the ring at him, but I felt that, by not cheating, he had retained his nobility and honour.
            Returning to the stables, I discovered members of the yakuza roughing up my boss. I was about to intervene when a metal canister of the rice from a parallel universe was overturned and all those in the room except for Hiroyuki and myself disappeared in a blackhole or a wormhole or something. Maybe something as yet completely unknown to physics.
            A year later, an investigation concluded that Motoko was legally dead, and I was surprised to find myself to have been left his farm property in his will! Motoko had also left a note addressed to me that explained that I would discover several rice paddies on his property that, through a process of quantum superimposition, enacted as portals to other universes where subatomic particles, including the Higg’s Boson, had different values to their counterparts in our universe. One rice paddy grew rice that effectively made people gain weight, and one paddy grew rice that lowered people’s weight.
            Still needing money, I created a diet farm from Motoko’s former property. I employed Hiroyuki as my business partner. I used rice from one paddy to help anorexics weigh more and one paddy to help obese people weigh less, by using the messenger particles from parallel universes to influence the value of the gravitational force enacting on my customers’ bodies’ masses. 
            The truth is, I still don’t know whether this is a completely honest practise.

About the Author: 
I like art and science. They make the world a better place.

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